The Death of the High Five

Wednesday night I went to get Kermit and Frank at the end of wrestling and after hearing some like amazing something or other that I totally can’t remember, I put my palm right up there, like totally obvy, high five set up. But then…but then this kid like super bummed me out.

He was all, high fives aren’t a thing anymore and now it’s just about the fist bump, which like, fine, I’m totally down with the fist bump. And I’m super into the variations, like where instead of the bwwhhffffssshhhuaw bomb blow up noise, sometimes I wiggle my fingers and say “Sparkles!” and sometimes I make and arc and said “Rainbows” and I don’t mind when people throw up their palms and make a turkey or do whatever it is that makes it an octopus.

But what? No high fives? Well, the whole ride home I was just all shocked and stuff but by the time I settled down into bed I figured it all out that he’s just some punk kid who doesn’t have his finger on the pulse of what’s hip like I do. And I went to sleep and I dreamed about this that improv group that gave high fives on the escalator which was hi-larious.* Hi-5-larious!**

Well, I was sitting here tonight, all warm and happy under my down comforter binge watching some Kimmy Schmidt when like 3 times in one episode all the other characters are throwin’ shade at Kimmy because she likes to high five and stuff. (I think I used that right. Did I use that right? Pretty sure I’m the kind of person who can say throwin’ shade. I just checked. I am.) If it was just once, I would totally be all fine and whatever, but 3 times, y’all!

So if you haven’t heard, high fives are not cool any more!!! Stop the presses and print that, because like I said, I got my finger on the pulse.

But if we gonna be real, I got my whole palm up in the air and I’m waiting, because if I know one thing it’s that stuff comes back in style, and when the high five comes back, oh you better believe this girl is going to be ready for it!

Oh shoot, I pulled my hand down to so the two thumb gesture when I said “this girl” but now, bam, my hand is back up ready for  a high five. There. Good. Set.

* I looked that video up just now. Y’all it’s from 2009. I was sure it came out like last year! Where is my life going?????

** I made that Hi-5-larious thing up myself. It’s gonna catch on, just you wait. My finger, coolness pulse.



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